The “Free Cruise” Promotion

I got one of those calls today. You know, one of those calls where a very upbeat and enthusiastic telemarketer informed me that I was invited to participate in a marking promotion and was being given free cruise onboard the Margaritaville Paradise, three days and two nights sailing out of the Port of Palm Beach. Sounds amazing right?

Not really.

Obviously, I was excited, a free cruise. Wow! My excitement lasted approximately two seconds when the logical part of my brain kicked in and I approached the rest of the call with skepticism. The salesperson on the other end of the line (and I’m sure it was a salesperson) was hyping up the boat, the food, the excursions on Grand Bahama Island. His pitch painted the picture of a blissful tropical vacation creating a sense of excitement and urgency. It was all mine, I only had to pay the taxes and port fees which were a mere $99.00 per person for a total of $189.00. How would I like to pay for that? Visa, Mastercard or Discover? Whoa, slow down cowboy I don’t know who the heck you are so I’m not about to just hand over my credit card number over the phone. Seriously, are people still doing that?

He tried to alleviate my fears by sending me an email that began with the line: “As requested, this is your Corporate Endorsed Certified Letter of Guarantee for our CAL package.” The email went on to outline the promotional deal including the package pricing, information about the boat and the highlights of the cabins. It all looked very official, and the pictures were quite enticing. But I was still skeptical.

There was a phone number at the bottom of the email and a quick google search revealed that it was for a company called View My Vacation which seems to be a reservation portal. I was able to look up the company through the Better Business Bureau where I saw that it had received an “F” rating. So, it looks like it’s a legitimate company, just not a particularly reputable one.

I hung up without giving up any credit card information and then, out of curiosity, I did some digging.

I went to the Margaritaville web site to look at their cruises. First up, I had to enter in my name and email address just to get basic pricing. I hate it when companies do that. Still, I figured what’s another spam email 3-4 times a week, I can always unsubscribe. I plugged in a date for early December and was quoted a price for an interior cabin of $89.00 per person based on double occupancy. Okay, so $178, not a bad price but far from the grand total. I clicked over to the next screen expecting to get the price with taxes and port fees included but Margaritaville wasn’t going to make this easy. I’m sure that Jimmy would not approve. Now they want me to enter in the names of the two passengers. I entered in the info of my two imaginary friends and clicked to the next page. Here’s where all the upgrades and add-ons were listed. Did I want an ocean view, a drink package and internet package, pre-book my shore excursion, pre-pay gratuities? I skipped all of that and clicked through to the final page where I finally got the total. The taxes and fees cost $189.00 more than the price of the cabin though $10 less than what the guy on the phone quoted me. This brought the grand total to $367 for two people. Still not too bad. But wait, what about gratuities? I searched some more and found that the charge is roughly $14.95 per person per night so let’s round it up and add the $60 to the total for me and my imaginary boyfriend.

Once the ship docks in Freeport, I’m going to want to do something. The cheapest excursion is just under $100.00, I suppose that I could just take a taxi to the resort area and find something on my own. Either way, my partner and I will likely spend at least $100.00 dollars while at port. Once we get back to the ship, we will no doubt want drinks, so assuming we purchased the 10-drink package for $133 each and didn’t overdo it on the first day. And, assuming that we have dinner from the buffet rather than one of the specialty restaurants then theoretically, the only thing we have left to think about is the taxi from the cruise port to the airport.

Oh crap, the airport. We’ve got to fly down to Florida. The closest airport is West Palm Beach and those main cabin economy tickets are going to cost roughly about $500.00 each. Let’s recap.

If I booked directly with the cruise line, I would end up paying at bare minimum.

$500 in airfare

$89 for the cruise cabin

$94 for taxes and fees

$30 for gratuities

$133 for drinks

$100 for shore excursion

Total: $946

And since my boyfriend is imaginary, I would have to talk one of my friends into paying the same. Keep in mind that this total doesn’t include transportation to and from the airport, parking at the airport, internet on the ship or any incidentals.

Now, if I had taken advantage of the generous offer by phone, I wouldn’t have to pay the $89 cabin cost but would have to pay $99 in taxes and fees. That brings my total down to $862 assuming I can find a friend that wants to spend $862 for two nights on a party boat and an afternoon in Freeport.

If I lived within driving distance to the port, then it might be a fun getaway with a group of friends, but certainly not a deal to get overly excited about.

The lesson for the day is to not let a slick talking salesmen create a sense of urgency because free never means free.